My brother Dexter, whom everyone calls Dex is a very charismatic guy. Dex is two years older than me. He is handsome: with green eyes, a bald head, and tattooed arms. All the girls swoon over him. Dex is funny, loving, and a drug dealer. If you know him, you love him. He has a huge heart, loves his family, and loves to get high. He also will beat your ass and watch you bleed if you crossed him in any kind of way. He has been fighting the same demons since he has been fifteen years old. His world and my world are completely different. He has been in and out of jail since he has been a teenager. He does not know any other kind of way to live. He has been institutionalized. Like my pawpaw Patterson use to say, "that Dex is the happiest boy I have ever known in jail!" I have spent more time speaking to my brother from collect calls than in person. Oddly enough, he is still my hero.
He has been running from God is whole life. God's hand has been on him. He should be dead. He has told me numerous times God has called him to preach. Today, he chooses not to believe in God. I have never stopped believing in him. As I grew older, an experienced my own demons, I began to understand Dex. Even through all his chaos, impulsive decisions, lies and sin; he too is a son of God. God has not given up on him. I never will.
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Dex begins playing around with Bentley, Everett, and Cooper. He is giving them hugs and trying his best to interact with them. They know who he is, but they do not know him. Bentley was a bit weary. She does not interact with "strangers," while the boys will play with anyone who gives them attention. The conversation between Eric and Dex was short and sweet. Eric wanted us out. He grabbed my suitcase and said," Ya'll should hit the road." Eric knew I did not need to leave with Dex. I would continue getting high and with the combination of us both, in that state-of-mind, we were destined to get into trouble. I gave all three babies a long hug. I did not want to leave them. I knew I did not have a choice. My heart began to hurt. I needed my escape. I needed vodka.
As we are walking out, Dex gives me a heads-up about his friend who he road with. Dex had gotten one of his friends to make the drive to Georgia. "Hope, he is bad on heroin. you cannot have none. I already told him I will beat his ass if he gives you any."
Me: Okay brother, I need a drink asap.
Dex: Okay, but I do not want to deal with a drunk ass.
Me: Please brother. I need one right now.
Dex: Alright.
Meanwhile, Dex's friend Joe is on a whole other level. He cannot find his heroin. He is freaking out. Dex is very high on methamphetamine. There are needles, pipes, and a large plastic bag filled with methamphetamine in the car. Dex was proud of his dope. "Check this out sister. I bet you have not seen anything like this before. " I had not. I did not use meth. Meth was a low-class drug in my mind, made with household cleaner. I could not imagine putting "those type" of chemicals in my body. I felt better than that... Until I was not.
Dex drives us to Walmart. I am sober during this time. And all I could think of was getting a drink. Dex is beginning to get very paranoid thinking the feds are following him. He starts making extra turns. I am thinking, what have I got myself into. Joe is sitting in the front seat wigging out. He has cotton balls and needles trying his best to get whatever is left. Dex is telling him to calm down. "Dude, you are scary my fucking sister. Chill the fuck out. We will find you more." Dex drives into the Walmart parking lot. He parks the car. Then Dex proceeds, to take out a needle and shoot up a huge shot of meth. I am getting irritated. "Dex, what the fuck. Do not shoot up. I thought you did not do that anymore. What will I do if something happens to you. I need a drink now." He said he is walking in Walmart and made me go with him. He did not want me to be left alone with the drugs or Joe. We walk in and he has me laughing at stupid stuff. I come to realize he does need anything from Walmart. He gets high and loves to steal from Walmart. I tell him I am not getting involved and he is not doing that with me. We walk out and are both laughing. Dex said, "Hope I have shopping sprees all the time here." I rolled my eyes. I am sure you do.
Dex had driven to a part of town I was not familiar with. I use the maps, in my phone, to look up closest liquor store. We finally find our way to the liquor store. Dex walks in with me. I go get my vodka as he proceeds to buy this expensive, vodka skull. He told me to go put my cheap shit back. "Only the best for my sister. Hope this is going to be fun! We have not spent time together like this in years." He bought it because he thought it would be cool to make a bong from it. We get back into the car. My brother does not drink alcohol. He hands the skull to me. I turn it up. Dex is continually smoking meth while driving. He stopped at Chik-Fil-A. He runs in to get everyone a chicken sandwich with fries. Joe is in the passenger seat having a nervous breakdown about not having any more heroin. I was better. My anxiety had subsided, although Joe had me very concerned. He said he wanted to drive back immediately. Dex comes back to the car with the food. And tells him "No fucking way" to driving back tonight. We need to get a hotel room and we can leave first thing in the morning. Dex needed a few hours of sleep. It was a 13hr drive back. He had been up a few days and Joe was in no condition to drive. I suggest to Dex for us to drive back to my house to get Betsy, my car. I did not trust Joe. I did not want Dex and I stuck with this guy. We did.
After Dex and I got my car, I was very relieved. I felt safe with my brother. I knew he would not let anything happen to me. I decided to hit the meth pipe. I did not feel like I received enough. Dex hands me a little rock and tells me to swallow it. I did. And boy, did I get
high. We stopped by a gas station. Betsy started not to crank. Betsy gave me problems a lot. I told Dex, "We need to get jumped off. Betsy will eventually crank." Dex is cursing. I laugh. I walked in and asked someone for help. Talking to whomever and whoever's ears would listen. After about an hour, and much frustration, Betsy's engine starts. I am high and I could care less about what is going on. Dex is becoming increasingly paranoid. "Hope, get in the fucking car, so we can go. You are going to get us put in jail. You look like a damn crackhead out here talking to everyone." I am dying laughing. I knew it was true. We leave. Joe is following us. Dex is trying to find drugs. I tell him an about location he needs to drive to that is not far away. We are extremely high. To the point, where I am confused on where I am at, and Dex cannot even follow the Gps. We stop at a gas station. Dex picks out a guy that he thinks sells drugs. His radar was right. We end up following him in the middle of nowhere to meet up with someone else. I am telling Dex this is shady. We need to leave. We do. We make it to a hotel. I walk to the desk. The desk clerk tells me the nightly rate. Apparently, I think it is too high. I am trying to negotiate the price. Dex walks up behind me, "I am sorry sir, this is my sister. I am paying. The rate is fine."
I walk away laughing. Dex is annoyed. "Hope, shut the fuck up. Drink your vodka so your ass will pass out. I need some sleep. You are tripping."
I indeed was tripping. Joe had followed us to the hotel. Dex had repeatedly told me he had never seen Joe or anyone like this in his life. Joe was dope sick. Very sick. Dex gets the keys to the room. It was not the nicest hotel. It had two queen beds. It had what we needed. I knew I would not be sleeping. Dex walks in and lays on the bed. Joe is in-and -out of the room. He is diligently searching for any remains of heroin. I sit outside the hotel door smoking a lot of cigarettes talking to Janine.
{My plan was to stay with Janine when I arrived to West Virginia. She is Aleena and Little Dex's mom. Her and Dex had divorced about a year earlier when he was in jail. They had a love to hate relationship. I loved Janine. She was like the sister I never had. I adored her free spirit and caring heart.}
I walk in the room. It is early morning. I find Joe crawling on the floor with only boxer briefs on. He is out-of-his mind. He had old needles stuck in his body with cotton balls. They were various places on him while he talked to himself. I am a little scared. I knew he would do anything to get heroin. I did not know this guy. I did not know what he was capable of. I knew Dex did not either. I take a big shot of vodka and wake Dex up.
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