I shook Dex a couple times until he jumped up. "Damn Hope. Do not do that. What?"
Me: Dex...Look over there. Joe is losing his mind. He is freaking me out.
Dex: Joe...are you okay? Hope what time is it? Where is my dope?
Me: You have it. I give the time.
Dex: Ya'll crackheads need some sleep. I am not getting up right now. (He started to laugh.) Hope that dope is good, huh? You look like a damn crackhead! Go look at your mouth moving! He starts to imitate me.
Me: Shut up brother!
I grab the vodka bottle and turn it up. I lay beside Dex. My mind is racing. Joe is still crawling around on the floor. Daylight comes and I am happy to see the sun. I get up, take a shot of vodka, and walk outside to smoke a cigarette. At some point, Joe busted out his windshield to his car. Dex wakes up. Hope, get your shit. We have to get out of here. That motherfucker is going to end up in jail. We leave. (Joe got arrested sometime after we left.)
We are on the road again. Dex is smoking meth while trying to figure out how to get us out of Atlanta. First, he wanted to buy dope to bring back to West Virginia to sell. He had a couple of thousand dollars on him. I am begging him to give me more meth. He tells me no. "Hope, you do not need anymore. Hell, have you looked in the mirror?" We laugh. I get it myself. I swallow another rock. I am turning up the vodka like it is water.
Dex: Damn sister, you really are an alcoholic. I have not seen any woman drink like you to be so small. Hell, you could drink any man under the table.
Me: I told you. I am an alcoholic.
Dex: No shit. Damn You need help. This is not your life Hopie Dopie.
Me: You are the one to talk. You are the drug dealer!
Dex: Yeah, but everyone knows this is me. I am me, babyyyyy! This is not you. I could kill fucking Eric. Hope, you remember that night at my trailer in Verbena when I told you he was trouble and there was just something about him that was not right.
Me: Yes.
Dex: You should have listened to me then. I may not know a lot of things, but I can judge a man's character. What fucking man would call the cops on his woman and say she "hit me". He is a prik. I fucking hate him. You deserve better sister.
Me: Yeah, he is a psychopath. No one wanted to believe me. I was always out to be crazy. I mean, I am. But he is too. I want my babies. Let's change the subject. I do not want to think about all this. My hand reaches for another meth rock.
Dex: What the fuck? You just took one. Slow it down. You are acting like a "do-phine whore!" We laugh. Hell, I am changing my mind. I do not know if I was Eric I could put up with your drunk ass. If you were not my sister, I would have already knocked your ass out.
We laughed more and more. Dex was continually cracking jokes as he was trying to find...Walmart. He drives into a Walmart parking lot.
Me: Oh, hell na'll. I am staying in the car. I am not going in for this shopping spree.
Dex: You better not touch my dope. I am serious Hope. Stay here, and do not do anything stupid.
Me: Really? You are the stupid one!!!
He gets out of the car and shuts the door. I was fine. I wanted to smoke my cigarettes and listen to music. Alone. We were beginning to get on each other's nerves. We would laugh and then argue due to the extreme intoxication and the fact that we are like any typical siblings.
Dex gets back in the car with a handful of electronics. He had a police scanner, GPS, and radio.
Me: Oh my God. Did you steal all of this?
Dex: Yesssss babyyyy. Your brother is good. He is laughing.
Me: Holy shit. We have to get out of here. I am not going to jail for your stupidity. How did you do it?
Dex: I am good like that!
Me: Dex, you are a thief! What do you think mama and daddy would say if they saw us? They are going to kill us. We laugh.
We both look at each other and say, "fuckups."
Me: As they point to each other and say, they get it from your side of the family. We laugh. We found it hilarious.
{If we were honest with ourselves, in this moment, we hated what we had become. Our parents are successful adults living in society as we rode around like delinquents. We were hurting. We were embarrassed. We were lost. The only way we knew how to cope, back then, was to make jokes and not take ourselves too seriously. Our lives were a shitshow. The hurt we carried manifested outward through the drugs we took. The drugs were the symptom to a much deeper problem. We both locked away our own trauma. We did not want to open pandoras box. We were scared what might appear. We did not want to face the demons. Not knowing, the substances we were using opened us up to all kinds of evil. My brother would not be stealing had he not been high. And I, would not be destroying myself.}
Dex: For real, I promised mama and daddy I would come get you and we were both going to check into this rehab I know. I have to go. My parole officer is going to send me back to jail if I do not. I cannot go back to prison. That shit sucks. I cannot leave Aleena (his daughter) like that again. Man, she is my ride or die. She loves her daddy!
Me: Dex you have got to get your shit straight. They need you. You can do it. You know, you have to get clean.
Dex: Enough of all this bullshit. You sit your drunk ass over there and go to sleep. You are annoying as fuck when you are high. I can go ahead and tell you; I am not buying your ass anymore vodka.
Me: How do you think I feel about you! You are the devil! Stop taking joy rides around fucking Atlanta and get us out of here. We are laughing and arguing which one of us is worse off.
Dex: Hell, if my sister was not so fucking retarded maybe she could tell me the way to the damn interstate.
Me: I am laughing. High and drunk as a skunk! Well, if my brother knew how to use a GPS correctly maybe he could figure it out!
Dex: It is this damn car. I cannot believe mama gave you this piece of shit! Hell, Mama is riding around in her convertible BMW and Daddy has more money than he knows what to do with and they gave you this shit. You made it to their shit list. Welcome to my world?!
Me: Seriously. Betsy always comes through for me! But you are right! I have never had such a piece of shit car. Laughing. I had a better vehicle at Sixteen! Now, I am thirty years old drive a dump. My life has come to hell.
Dex: No shit, you spoiled brat. You were always mama's little princess getting anything you wanted. Who gets a brand-new convertible mustang at sixteen? You.
Me: Yeah, but I was a good child. And if I remember correctly, you got a new truck from papa Mims and wrecked it! Shut up. Mama and Daddy have done more for you than any other child. How many vehicles has Daddy bought you? or work trucks he has given you.
Dex: Man, daddy and mama make me so damn mad.
We continue to talk about who the favorite children are, Dylan and Dustin. Our half-brothers. Dylan is from my mom's second marriage and Dustin is from my dad's second marriage. We were having our own "roast" on our parents. We decided they did not have any room to talk about marriage or how our lives should be lived.
The following hours turn into a blur. I black-out for a time period and finally fall asleep. I wake up early the next morning. Dex is driving through Virginia. We have both calmed down. I am happy to hear we are in Virginia. Dex said, " finally your ass passed out." I laugh.
Dex: We are so close sister.
Me: Thank God.
A few minutes later...
Dex: Oh shit. Hope, blue lights are behind us.
Me: What?
Dex: We are getting pulled over.
Me: Omg. We are going to jail. What are we going to do?
Dex: I cannot go back to prison. Hope, get the pipe and put it in your pussy.
Me: What? Dex?
Dex: Get the fucking pipe and put it in your pussy now! Do you want to go to jail? Do it.
Me: I am hesitant. Dex, I have on leggings. They will see it sticking out. I am not going down for your pipe.
Dex: It is a damn misdemeanor. If I get caught, I am going back to prison.
Me: I get the pipe and put it down my pants.
Dex: Close your eyes, I have to put this dope up my ass. I can handle this. Do exactly what I tell you. Do not talk.
Me: Okay.
We were on the interstate. Dex changed lanes and drives to the right side to park. Because of the drugs in my system, I was able to remain calm. The officer walked up to my window. I roll it down. I hand the officer a paper copy of my driver's license. I always kept my paper copy. I figured my license suspension had not updated in the system yet. I also hand him the outdated insurance card. The officer said we had a headlight out. He asks for Dex's information. Dex remains calm and tells the officer how he had come to get me from an abusive relationship, and we were headed back to West Virginia. He did not have a license. He told him how he let me drink while he drove because I was so upset. The empty vodka bottle was proof sitting right beside my feet on the floorboard. The officer walked back to his car to run our names in the system. Another police officer arrives. Dex had a red flag in any government system. Both walked back to the car. One officer asks me if I cared to take a breathalyzer test. "Ms. Wilson if you can pass it. You can drive the vehicle away." I did not pass. I was two times over the legal limit. The other officer asked Dex to get out of the car. I remain sitting in the car. Both of them are behind the car with Dex.
I look back in my rear-view mirror and see Dex laughing and talking to them. I think, okay; we are in the clear. I grab the pipe out of my pants. I put it in the glove department. Dex walks to the car. "Hopie, we are good. The officers want to search the car and then we can be on our way." Dex was accustomed to this life. Like it was another Sunday morning.
I look at Dex with shear panic on my face. I step out of the car. I do not say a word. Dex glances at me and he knows by the look on my face that we are screwed. By this time, more officers have shown up for back-up. A couple of officers began an extensive search. Tearing apart the vehicle. I stood there terrified. What in the hell have I got myself into?
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