Dex and I walked into the trailer. I am taken aback how disgusting it is. I walked into a real-life hoarder's home. There was crap everywhere. Piles and piles of junk laying around. On the couch sat a teenage boy; he was on a laptop. Dex introduced us. He was Michael and Michelle's oldest son. They were not home. Then, Dex walked me through the kitchen to a back bedroom. The counters and bedroom were covered with miscellaneous stuff. There were no sheets on the bed. It was full of clothes, pipes, and other items. I am unsure where they slept. You could tell they did not sleep much, eat much, and lived in disarray. Dex walked straight to a small security safe. He entered a code and pulled out a vast bag of ice. A couple of pounds of methamphetamine. Dex was overjoyed! He immediately began to get it ready, to hot rail it, as I paced around the room. Hot railing refers to heating the end of a glass stem or glass pipe, inhaling the vapor of heated meth through the nose, and exhaling white smoke through the mouth. It is also known as "glassing" and it is one of the most popular ways people ingest methamphetamine. Dex ingested it.
Dex: whoaa sister! Damn that's what I am talking about! Your brother has got the best around. This shit is clear. Come take a hit.
Me: Okay, but I do not know how to do it. This is all new for me. Show me how.
Dex lit the pipe. I snorted and exhaled. The euphoria was immediate and intense. Dex walked out with the dope. I lit a cigarette and felt at ease. Finally, we were on our way to my last stop. It was late when we arrived at Janine's apartment. The kids were asleep. I walked in and gave Janine a big hug! Dex walked in (like he owned the house) and went straight to the kitchen table. He set the table with the drugs and paraphernalia. Janine told him he could not do that there. He responded, "shut the hell up. Do not try to act all innocent around Hope. Bitch, you stay high!" If he shared with her, she would not make him leave. He wanted to see Aleena and lil' Dex. He supplied the dope to manipulate her to get what he wanted. We all got high. again. and again. and again. and again. Janine turned on music, we laughed at Dex's jokes, as I cleaned the kitchen. Janine threatened Dex to not wake up the kids. They started their argumentative communication with each other. They fed off their dysfunctional relationship. They still loved each other and had it not been for the drugs they would still be together. Later I took a shower. I looked in the bathroom mirror and the obsession with my teeth begun. I started having thoughts of the 'meth mouth'. I brushed my teeth a few times while analyzing every tooth.
A little later, Michael and Michelle walked in. They stopped by after purchasing groceries from Walmart, they said. Michael looked like a thug who would slash your throat and eat ice cream after. He was a tattoo artist with tattooed horns on his head and tear drops on his face. He had paid his dues behind a barbed wire fence. Michelle was much larger than he was. She was tall and had a rounder physique with long brown hair. They had four children. The younger two was not living at the trashy trailer. They were both friendly. We sat around the table smoking meth and laughing at Dex tell stories. I was so high that I asked him if he would give me a tattoo while I visited. Thank God it never happened. (Can you imagine? I show up for Christmas with a tear drop on my face?! That is not what I wanted, but who knows what I would have got in that frame of mind.) They left before dawn.
Early morning, Aleena and lil' Dex walked down the stairs. They were on cloud nine to see me and their daddy. Aleena, "Aunt Hopie! I missed you so much! I love you, my Hopie! Where is Bentley and the boys? I want to see Bentley and her come to my house and play." I told Aleena that she had school and next time I would bring them. Lil' Dex gave me a big hug. "Aunt Hopie, you remember when I caught the big fish at Papa D's?" He loved fishing. (Two years earlier, my mom had taken care of them for seven months while Janine was in rehab and Dex was in jail.) They stayed home from school. Aleena told Janine that she was staying with her aunt Hopie and daddy. Dex, of course, agreed. Aleena was a daddy's girl. I had never witnessed such a sweet bond between a daughter and father like that (I never had that with my daddy). Wherever Dex was she wanted to be. She adored Dex. And he worshipped the ground she walked on. Lil' Dex was a mommy's boy. Dex did not form a good foundation with him. He was very angry. He was very angry toward Dex. Lil' Dex had witnessed him abuse his mom. He was very protective over Janine. Aleena was so smart and mature for her age. She was like the little mom walking around bossing lil' Dex.
I suddenly was overwhelmed with fear. I walked around the house like a zombie, obsessed with my teeth and my next hit of dope. The outside world was now a scary place in my mind. I occasionally walked outside to get fresh air. It was snowing and I was not use to the cold weather. I preferred sunshine. I remember looking up, seeing the mountains and praying to God. There were so many thoughts going through my head at rapid speed. I prayed out, "please God, help me."
{We never smoked meth in front of the kids}
Two days had passed by without sleep and food. Dex asked Janine to use her van to drive to Pittsburg for a drug drop off. The fight between them began. Cursing, throwing crap everywhere. My fights with Eric were not comparable to their fights. I started crying. They were hostile. I saw the change in Janine as I watched my brother be abusive. Dex noticed I was upset and chilled out. He blamed Janine for the chaos-She should let him use her van. Dex would not stop until he got his way. He was immature and acted like a two-year old throwing a temper tantrum. Janine fueled the fire. Finally, Janine agreed to drive him there. I stayed home to watch the kids. We played and watched television. Hours go by and I had not heard from them. I called Janine. No answer. I thought, they should have been back by now. I wait and wait and wait. I had a gut feeling something bad happened. I was right.
<Michael was not the drug dealer. Dex was the dealer. Michael owed Dex money.>
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