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Options. Part Eight.

Maria and I had a plethora of time to learn about each other. I became knowledgeable about Maria 's life after she stopped pretending, she did not understand English. And I asked plenty of questions after I snuck and read her arson charges. I felt like I needed to know the extent of crazy I was living with. She was an illegal immigrant who traveled by boat to the United States in search of a better life. She worked for a cleaning service and lived with friends. I began to sympathize with her situation. She had been locked up for eight months. She said her ex-girlfriend started an argument that ended in a vehicle fire. I thought, "maybe she is the victim." Shortly after noticing her sneaking schemes, I decided she was probably guilty of her crimes. My mind remained pre-occupied with my own problems. I barely was sleeping. I remained in my bed, highly depressed thinking about my court date.

Ms. Wise came to visit me so we could review my options in my cases. As she rambled off legal terms and various outcomes, I remained calm.

Ms. Wise: Jillian, are you following? Your cases are complex, and we have a lot of different scenarios. The DA is being a dick and will fight for you not to leave the state of Georgia. I know you have your kids to think about. But my biggest concern is you have to remain sober. We have DUI school, treatment, or you can ride this thing out in jail. What are you willing to do?

Me: I do not know what I want to do now that you are giving me options. How long would I have to ride this out? If I received 'time served', would it be quicker to stay in jail so I would not have to go back to long-term treatment. Or if I remained here in Georgia, I have a friend that would help me. I really want to stay close to my kids. I would rather not go back to Alabama. It is too far away, and I will not be able to see my babies.

Ms. Wise: Jillian, your mom wants you back in Alabama with her. She said you do not have a fighting chance if you stay in Georgia. Also, she said your husband will make sure you have no contact with them. I will be working on treatment possibilities if you have to remain in Georgia. I know you mentioned going to treatment in Myrtle beach where the kids will live but your mom said that is an awful idea. I think we need to eliminate that option. It is too risky. You need to focus on you. And I do not think it is best for you and your soon to be ex to be near one another. All of this is options! Nothing can be done until the judge makes his decision.

Me: I will call Maverick and talk to him about bailing me out and my options if I choose to stay here and attend the DUI school.

Ms. Wise: Keep in mind- you cannot drive under no circumstance. Is Maverick willing to support you? Your mom and dad said they will not pay for nothing else. You do not have your apartment or car and will not be able to work a full-time job because it is intense classes, drug tests, and all my clients in the past said it is a hard program to graduate. I am here for you and want to set you up for success. Getting help and staying sober is number one on the list.

Me: I do not know! I will get a job and do what I have to do. I have to. If I have to go back to the Foundry I will. I am tired and I do not know what to do anymore. I want out of here and that is about it!

Ms. Wise.: Get some rest and I will see you in court. Keep your head up. It will work out.

All I wanted was to be released. I was tired. I was hungry. I was humiliated. I was angry. I had depression. I had anxiety, and I had a broken heart. I wanted to get high and disappear. I was in an ongoing warfare between light and darkness. My flesh hungered for drugs and death. My soul longed to fight for my life and my spirit was connected to my heavenly father. With my firsthand experience with the darkness, I often wondered why I was intrigued? I wanted to figure the experiences and encounters and all the "God stuff" out. I was curious and begged God for understanding and wisdom.

John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those sanctified by faith in Me.

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