Updated: Mar 4
When I arrived in the Florida Keys, my mind was preoccupied by alcohol and the scenic beauty. My obsession began. I was crawling out of my own skin. I was triggered by the warm weather getaway. Every neurotransmitter in my brain was activated and the anticipation to 'feel the burn' swallow down my throat took charge. I was antsy. Here I was in the KeyWest and all I could think about was a drink. I knew I would not be satisfied until I got one. Once the craving and obsession hit, I was doomed. I no longer could control myself. I made it to the room. As I admired the quaint little town, I was fixated on the bar I passed. I walked down to the local convenient store. I bought a bottle of red wine-my favorite. I used to make excuses for the love of my red wine. I would say, "It is good for my heart." It is good in moderation. I never used anything in moderation. I always wanted more.
Next, I stopped by the local outside bar, on the side of the road. I ordered a double shot of vodka and the strongest mixed drink they carried. I stood there smoking a cigarette and enjoying myself. Finally, I was relaxed. I went to the room to take a shower and get dressed for dinner reservations. I began drinking my wine. Ignoring the attitude, I was receiving. I was no longer sober, and this was the first time I was seen intoxicated. I did not care about risking someone else's sobriety. I was very selfish. Although, I did not think about it at the time. I was now operating from a different spirit. Alcohol gave me a false sense of confidence and a "fuck you" behavior. I used it to calm by anxiety and shield me from discomfort. It was my escape. I am a free spirit and while under the influence I am "wild."
I walked to dinner with my cup of wine. I was in my own little world where nothing mattered. I walked into the restaurant with my glass of wine. It was not empty, and I was not going to waste it. I sat it on the table to finish while I ordered more. After dinner, I was left alone walking the streets back to the hotel. I did not care. I was going to stop by the local outside bar and continue enjoying my night, even if I was by myself. I was ready to mingle. I hung out at the bar ordering myself double shots of vodka and mixed drinks. I made friends with an older couple who had driven their golf cart to the bar. I jumped on the back with them to go watch fireworks! Looking back, I was so naive to think nothing bad would ever happen to me. I would leave with anyone I thought was nice. (I had hitchhiked a couple of times but that is another story.)
The next morning, I was full of regret. I hated that I had flushed five months of sobriety down the toilet! I did not want to drown in my own self-pity and ruin this beautiful opportunity to enjoy the Keys. In my mind, I vowed not to do it again. It was a slip-up, and I was not going to let it take me on a downward spiral. I had too much to lose. I had a wonderful time the remaining trip. I went skydiving! Amazing experience. I am weird from most, I found it to be very peaceful once the parachute was inflated. As I flew in the sky, looking over the ocean, I prayed. I knew in my heart, something bigger than me (God) was guarding my life. I did not see the purpose in the pain, just yet. Also, I went deep-sea fishing, and ate scrumptious meals! There was one thing missing...my family. I missed my children and strangely missed Eric.
I returned back home. All was well. I remained sober and never spoke of my slip-up. A few weeks later, As I laid in bed soundly asleep with all three of my babies, per usual, Eric woke me up.
Eric: Hope, get up. The police are here, and they need to talk to you.
Me: What are you taking about, Eric? I have not done anything.
I get up and walk into the living room. There stood two officers stating they had a warrant for my arrest.
Me: I am confused officer. What is this concerning?
Officer: Ms. Mims this is from an assault charge a few months ago.
Me: You have to be kidding me right now. Seriously? The assault charge was from Eric. My husband, who is right here. We live together and are fine. Can this be thrown out?
Officer: Ms. Wilson, we have to take you in for booking and you can bond out.
(I walked back to my bedroom to change clothes.)
Me: Eric, I cannot believe you. Do you realize how stupid this is? Now, my job is in jeopardy, and I am going to have to pay the bond.
I told Eric to keep his phone on him. I would try my best to get home without him having to wake the kids up to pick "mommy" up from jail from the assault charge he took out on me!!! The drama seemed to never cease.
The officers walked me out to the police car then handcuffed me. There I sat; handcuffed and angry. It was another trip to Gwinnett County. When was this all going to end?