After my whirlwind spiritual experience my world began to shift for the better. At the time, my mind was not capable to fully grasp exactly what had occurred. I relied on my guidance from God and Tawana. The next week I had a counseling session. There was not much to vocalize about my prior session because I walked out without memory of the hour John prayed over me. So, what's next? I wondered. I had my deliverance and now I had clear eyes to address all of my issues. Oh, I was at the beginning of my transformation. Now with my newfound freedom I worked on myself without distractions.
This was the fun part! Stating from complete sarcasm. But- I no longer walked around in a depressed state which was so nice! I began to laugh and attain my goofy personality back. I did not live in a cloud of darkness from my pain. I faced it. My attitude shifted from self-pity to evaluation. I slowly began to love me again. I started to see my value and believe what God says about me. NOT WHAT I PERCEIVED OTHERS SAID OR WHAT I USED TO BELIEVE. I asked God to reveal the roots of my past behaviors, reactions, and the apparent question...how did I end up here? The obvious answer is I had an addiction, went to jail, lost my family, and needed help. That would send almost anyone to seek out help and usually does for a brief period.
So, with hundreds of treatment centers, Intensive Care, doctors, medication, institutions, and faith-based organizations why are there over one-hundred thousand of addicts losing their lives each year? In a world where millions suffer, research claims only 1 out 10 adults overcome addiction and live successful lives. I have been told the exact same statistic while in another treatment center in Georgia. "Look around, only 1 out 10 of you will make it. Are you willing to do whatever it takes?" Honestly, I remember being offended. Sadly, it is the truth. From the exact same group, three people I knew lost their life. Two of them were friends whom I did stay in touch with. It is heartbreaking to know and love someone who suffered or continues to suffer.
IF IT WERE EASY-EVERYBODY WOULD GAIN SOBRIETY AND BE SET FREE. NO ADDICT ENJOYS THE PAIN AND THE ENCHAINMENT IT CARRIES.
Realize I said no addict enjoys the pain, and so on. The escape and euphoria acquired from addiction(s) is baffling and powerful.
What I have come to understand with time and my own searching is most people live their lives for other people and influences by the world; with no recollection of what God's purpose is for them. We walk around filling a void that only God himself can fill. "Addicts" try by substances and others by work, family, sports, and maybe even church activities. Whatever your MORE is...one day you may ask yourself, "what am I doing this for? Why am I here? Is this it?"
God will answer. You only need to be still and listen.
I am sober today because of God- absolutely not by my own will. IF IT WERE ME... I would have lived drowned in substances and lost into my oblivion if I had no consequences. Why? Because I am human and to escape life's hardships is a lot easier than facing them. And maybe you think, "that's not me." If you turn to food, shopping, sex, or any external behavior to help cope with uncomfortable feelings or life...you my friend are human and need God's help too. We are not immune to hardships. This is exactly why we need a personal relationship with God.
In saying all of this, the numbers are high for overdoses and self-inflicted pain because we live in a "self-obsessed" world that encourages lifestyles that are harmful. Girls think the norm is fake eye lashes, boobs, hair, lips, eyebrows, filtered photos, and the approval of ignorant men. (Okay, this is MY opinion. If you have any of the above...I'm not hating on you. I am all about feeling beautiful and comfortable in your own skin. If extra makes YOU feel good, and it is not in regards of trying to look like someone else or please a man/woman...I am all for it!) I guess, I think about my little girl and my own trauma with self-esteem issues, so I am all about loving your own skin and God-given body. Although, I really want Botox to get rid of my wrinkles! I want it for me. I have had past behaviors wanting to feel seen, skinny, and relied on others for my own self-esteem boosts. DO NOT DO THAT! YOU ARE WORTHY.
Today, I am passionate about women loving themselves, feeling comfortable with who they are...flaws and all. God made us all uniquely beautiful. One man's trash is another man's treasure!!!
What's next? My next was NOT focusing on the traumatic events that landed me in treatment. I talked about it so much, I was tired hearing my own voice speak of it. I know my counselors were too! With a lot of patience waiting on their part, I had decided to move on. MY NEXT consisted of addressing my own faults, building back my relationships, trusting God's plan, and enjoying exactly where I was at. I spent so much time wishing I was somewhere else. I was right where I needed to be.
The funny thing is, I could rest where I was at. I was in the palm of his hand. So today, when I have problems, I can trust in the one who will not lead me astray. Fear can get the best of me at times. The fear of the unknown. The fear of waiting. Thank God I put in the work where I created deep roots to know what to do now when Life gets in my own way, or I block my own path.
There are two types of people in this world before turning on a movie. Person one can click on a movie title without having to KNOW exactly what the plot is. Person two (ME) will absolutely not click play on any show, movie, podcast or whatever unless I know the plot and I know what is going on!!! This is an example of my resistance giving up MY control and outcome of situations!
If I can surrender to God's will and plan...my friends, you can too!!!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”