A few weeks after my surgery, I had the luxury of bringing Bentley to work with me. At the time I worked for my Daddy's company All Phase Security. I had a lot of boredom and 'down time' because my father was a micromanager and preferred to do a lot of it on his own. I took care of payroll and the odds and ends of the employees' time and emails and such, but my Daddy was not very good at delegating tasks and when he did, he gave very little information, and it was kind of like trying to read his mind which cannot be done. He worked out of town a lot and would call and give instructions like this: "Jill, go grab "xyz" (I had no clue what he was talking about) and send it to whomever." So, I would google or go ask Todd another partner who worked there what in hell he was talking about. Todd usually laughed and would say, "your daddy does not give a lot of detail, does he?!" I was working in a man's world trying to understand contracting lingo and it was not fun. Although, I did enjoy the times I had my daddy around and he was not frustrated about whatever problem was going on at the time. He took care of me and knew I was not 'in my element' working there. I think I taught him a lot of patience because I was not some young man he could curse and yell at when things went wrong.
One day in particular, he got so mad at me for not correcting his computer where when he clicked on something he did not have to navigate another system to find it. He threw everything off his desk and left. I literally just stared at him like whatever. I am no computer tech! (My daddy assumed I should know EVERYTHING since I had an education and when I did not, he had a way of making me feel dumb.) I had already spent hours on the phone with IT and when it was not "fixed" he was beside himself. All I thought was..."wow, that's very immature of you and uncalled for." He called and apologized for his behavior. I had tough skin and had enough wisdom to know that it was not about me. Although, you would have thought that I had ruined a multi-million-dollar deal. Or the time he called me urgently around 2pm to meet him in Georgia for a tool he would need the following day. I did not get home until 1am and had been riding all over (it felt like) Georgia with Bentley in the car around the time she was only three months old. I was so frustrated but when I saw how tired my daddy was from working sixteen hours for the livelihood of his family...It humbled me. What a small sacrifice. My daddy's world revolved around his work. He has by far the best work ethic out of anyone I know. My daddy had a hard time being sensitive to my needs as woman and mother. A man and woman's worlds are so very different. In the workplace and outside from it. The most profound thing I think I have ever done is learn and discern others' behaviors, so I am not directly affected every time someone is insensitive to my needs. I am very empathetic and very sensitive to other people's energy around me. Sometimes it feels like a curse. I become very drained emotionally and spiritually around certain people, so I have learned to create distance and protect my peace of mind. Life is too short to live or walk on eggshells or to live in an unauthentic state. God did not create us for that. God wants us to feel empowered and so engrossed in the love of Christ that we as individuals may fall but will not stay down.
I started to "feel" like I was pregnant...again. I was not necessarily upset about it. I loved being a mother and honestly my attention was one hundred percent on taking care of my baby and everything else could have been non-existent. It was the one thing in my life that came so easy and so naturally. I know some women do struggle with the role or it does not come easy- but, for me- I was destined to have a big family. I knew before it tested positive on a pregnancy test which at around 3 weeks It was confirmed. I took the cutest picture of Bentley holding the pregnancy test posting it on Facebook that said, "I am going to be a big sister." Of course, in the South or is it universal? The statements that came were..."You know how that happens, right?" Like no Sherlock I did not know that having unprotected sex I could become pregnant! I was naive enough to think that it would not happen to me...again. I like to learn things the hard way.
The holes in my breasts from the removal of the abscesses and the infected Mastitis were still healing when I walked into my gynecologist appointment to confirm my second pregnancy. I told Eric not to worry about coming. I knew what to expect...I thought. I sat Bentley down in front of me in her car seat as I hopped up on the seat to layback for my ultrasound. I was excited to hear the heartbeat. Hearing the heartbeat of my unborn children made me awe of God's wonders and the intricate details of human life forming. It is a miracle so supernatural! The nurse came in and began as I laid there telling her how great of a baby Bentley was. There was a minute of silence as the nurse said she would be right back. My first thought was that something was wrong. She walked back in with another nurse by her side as they both looked at each other and the monitor to confirm that there was not one but two. They told me to LOOK. So, I stare at the monitor and there it was...baby a and baby b. The names in which Cooper and Everett were until they made their joyful entrance into the world. I did not know whether to laugh or cry! I said, "Are you serious?" The nurses confirmed. I was speechless. I made my way back to a room where my doctor walked in promptly. "Girl, you are pregnant with twins." I said, "I can't believe it. Bentley is only three months old!" The original gestation date for the boys were Bentley's birthdate. March 15th exactly one year a part. I did not cry I nervously giggled. Something I do when I feel uncomfortable in situations. My doctor began to explain I would return in two weeks since I was very early and see if the babies are in their own amniotic sacs. A lot of medical jargon about twin pregnancy he related but insisted I had nothing to be concerned about. I was a healthy twenty-four-year-old who had no complications.
It was a Friday afternoon, so Eric was on his way back home to us. I began racking my brain on a clever way to tell Eric it was not one but two. I stopped by Publix and bought my favorite cream cheese cupcakes that I ate religiously while pregnant with Bentley. I picked out a number two rainbow candle. When Eric walked inside, I had the cupcakes with the number two and the ultrasound pictures laid out on the kitchen table. At first, he assumed I was implying that we would now have two children. He glanced at the ultrasound pictures and then he said, "wait, what is this?" Obviously, the pictures looked different and clearly stated when observing closely- baby a and baby b. I said, "we are having twins! Eric, seriously, there are two. " He was shocked! I am sure his mind flooded with how expensive three babies would be. He smiled big because who cannot be excited about twins?! All I thought was for somebody who was supposed to have a difficult time having kids sure is planting his seeds in me! I was happy and a little sad. I did not know how I could love other child(ren) as much as I did Bentley. If you are a first-time mother and become pregnant with another child quickly, I assume we all have those lingering thoughts. Truth is, from my experience, you love them all so much the same but in different ways. And later on, selfishly, I began to feel like I was robbed of my time with only having Bentley. In retrospect, now I am so thankful for God's presence in my life and every little detail he gifted me withholding nothing so I could be exactly the mama my babies need. I have done a lot wrong and have mistaken but the God of the universe blessed me with a heart for him and children. If you know me, you know I love my babies and am a natural nurture to all the extra kiddos I encounter too.
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