Before I continue with my story, I feel like it is important, vital, to express the message of what I am telling: My story is a message of love and forgiveness.
I am in no way, shape or form, telling my narrative to paint Eric as a bad person or myself. It is a real story with real events expressed to teach others what the love of Christ will do if you give him reign to. I can share this now, although at times difficult, to let everyone know that a new life is possible when God becomes first.
Our behaviors were highly influenced by the demonic hold substances acquire through a loss of oneself. Our lives are not like that anymore, thank goodness, or I would probably be on an episode of Snapped! You may wonder how a couple can overcome such abuse and make it to the other side. God, and forgiveness. We both had to forgive the other for actions that we took and the actions we did not take for our own selfish reasons.
At the height of our dysfunction, we hated one another. But, having an honest look at ourselves, we discovered, it was our own hate towards ourselves that was fueling the war for each other. It was easier to place blame on Eric's behavior and what he did not do for me when in all reality, he was mirroring my energy and lack of respect I carried for myself.
The spiritual warfare was real on my life back then. I was completely unaware. I would call my mama in a drunkard state and tell her, "I do not believe in God. God is not real. I believe in angels because of Granny." My Mama thought I was insane. I was trying to fight a war that cannot be fought alone. The reason I said I believed in angels is because my Granny was as close to Jesus as you can be on this Earth. Not only did her mouth portray it, but her life was an example of it. Anyone who knew her would agree. I am so grateful for her grace and the life she lived. I did not tell her enough how her humble, serving heart would influence my life forever. So, thank you Granny, I know you are looking down from heaven proud of me. I can hear her sweet voice now, "I am proud of you girl" with a big hug. She believed in fighting for marriage when everyone around me told me to "get out of it". The Lord gifted her with an unwavering wisdom and a love that will be passed down for all generations to come.
My message is simple and as I continue on my journey- my prayer is that through the pages of unfiltered events the realization that God is real, and love and forgiveness are powerful tools to learn and live by. The power of Jesus Christ breaks strongholds and hatred and will empower a new way of living if you dare to ask. Prayer is the most undermined spiritual power in this World. God listens when you come to him with a humble heart. He wants to give you the desires of your heart.
I also would like to say I do not promote staying in an unhealthy marriage or relationship. It has taken action from both of us to change the course of our lives and a lot of it was growing up and becoming mature adults and not behaving like uncivil kids.
I trust God, and his sovereignty. But- I also know God gives a brain and to use it! So, if old behaviors or toxicity followed me in my new life- best believe it- I would not entertain it for a second. That applies to all my relationships.
God fights for us, just like I had to fight for my sobriety, marriage, and new way of living. There is a time to fight for what you love and a time to let go.
What are you fighting for? What is time to let go of?
