Updated: Jan 30
After 5 months, I decided to leave sober living. My sponsor, and other close confidants did not think it was best. My sponsor wanted me to have more sobriety time and most importantly, an exit plan. I went against all suggestions and recommendations. I felt strong in my recovery. Eric and I were good. I was at the point where I did not want to spend another night away from my kids. I was confidant in myself, although it did scare me to essentially go back to the environment that I had become so sick in. Eric agreed to remain sober. He desperately wanted me back full-time to help him with the kids. As you can imagine, it was a lot on him.
When we both were sober there honestly was no drama. The disagreements while we were sober were very far and between us. If I got upset about something, I immediately shut down. I kept my distant until I was over it. We were both horrible at communicating. But we were excellent taking care of our children.
(I would have never been able to sleep at night peacefully had I thought the kids were not in a safe space while I was away. Despite Eric's on demons he faced, he was a wonderful father. I knew when I was away, they were in good hands.)
I packed all of my belongings, which was not much and loaded up Betsy. The kids were elated when I returned home. They clung onto me like glue. My heart was content. I was back on track. I had gained back everything I had lost. It felt amazing to truly be present. Eric and I were okay, but our marriage remained significantly broken. The damage had been done. We did not talk about the past until a couple of months later, as I held a bottle of vodka in my hand. The tiger was out of the cage. I came head-to-head with a new low. Heroin.