Updated: Feb 1
It was February 8, 2019. Instead of picking up my 9-month chip at my morning AA meeting, I decided to pick up a bottle of vodka. It was my 9-month sober anniversary. As all the reasons why, I should not drink come rushing back to me, I thought one night will not hurt. I need relief. And the insanity began. There is a lot that happened in between those three weeks of insanity. I will name a few: arrested twice. heroin. meth. West Virgina. overdose. assault. And last, certainly not least, God. God revealed what I needed. Simple, yet so hard. I could not "fix" me. A program could not mend my broken heart. A sponsor, although helpful, would not be able to save me. There was no self-help book, "big book", blue book, or therapy session that could turn my life around. I needed to surrender to God. I did not want to. I was in so much confusion; all I wanted was to be a fugitive an escape. I did not want to face myself nor my consequences. I was terrified. I did what I always knew how to do...run. But I would return. And this time I came back with an even stronger vengeance.