top of page

Mono Twins. Part Eight.

I truly felt from the very beginning of my pregnancy with the boys they were special. There is something truly remarkable about twins and growing two embryos inside the womb. Empowering is the word that comes to mind. As I looked at Bentley, my sweet healthy girl, I began to feel overwhelmed when I heard the term Mono TWINS. After another ultrasound, my doctor confirmed I was having a very high-risk pregnancy. I am so glad I was so young, and Bentley was a baby that I did not have time to really overanalyze my pregnancy like I did the first time. My first go-around I was hyper-vigilant and almost in tears when I was about thirteen weeks pregnant while Eric and I were in Mexico, and I ingested raw fish. I became so upset and felt so guilty. So strange what guilt can do to the human body. Anyways, I got over it fairly quickly because Eric thought I was being insane. Typically, I was not that obsessive with my thoughts but when an inch of doubt circled in my head that my baby could be harmed...I worried. Thanks to doctor google.


Eric, Bentley and I sat in the patient room as I became very educated on twin pregnancies. I never looked up the protocol on that one prior to this appointment. I thought the babies would arrive early via c-section and did not give it much thought until I heard the term MONO TWINS are IDENTICAL TWINS that are extremely rare. So rare, making up to less than ONE percent of all births in the United States. Let that sink in.


Monoamniotic twins are identical or semi-identical twins that share the same amniotic sac within their mother's uterus.[1] Monoamniotic twins are always monochorionic and are usually termed Monoamniotic-Monochorionic ("MoMo" or "Mono Mono") twins.[1][2] They share the Here is the rundown: "Monoamniotic twins are identical or semi-identical twins that share the same amniotic sac within their mother's uterus.[1] Monoamniotic twins are always monochorionic and are usually termed Monoamniotic-Monochorionic ("MoMo" or "Mono Mono") twins.[1][2] They share the placenta but have two separate umbilical cords. Monoamniotic twins develop when an embryo does not split until after formation of the amniotic sac,[1] at about 9–13 days after fertilization.", but have two separate umbilical cords. Monoamniotic twins develop when an embryo does not split until after formation of the amniotic sac,[1] at about 9–13 days after fertilization." Monoamniotic twins are identical or semi-identical twins that share the same amniotic sac within their mother's uterus.[1] Monoamniotic twins are always monochorionic and are usually termed Monoamniotic-Monochorionic ("MoMo" or "Mono Mono") twins.[1][2] They share the placenta, but have two separate umbilical cords. Monoamniotic twins develop when an embryo does not split until after formation of the amniotic sac,[1] at about 9–13 days after fertilization."


A couple more days...they would have been conjoined. I thank God all the time for my healthy miracle babies.


I appreciate my laid-back nature a lot more now when I think back to stressful news or events such as this that I could find faith and hope in. Honestly, my high-risk pregnancy was not on my mind's forefront. My marriage was. I was constantly battling my own thoughts about how I wanted my life to go and all the way it was not going...


If you never had that moment in your life, have you even really lived?!


I became so non-attached (non-caring) that I did not even waive caution to the house Eric picked out for us to live in in Georgia. That is not me. at all. Eric knows that now. All I wanted was to feel settled and secure. I wanted to create and maintain my own safe haven. A New state, minivan, and four-hour drive away from my family slowly became the death of me.


(My mama and I think most, assumed my downfall was from staying-at-home with all three babies but that was not it.)


I worked until I really could not work anymore before the move. I was very proud of myself financially prior to moving. I had all my bills paid, savings, and a loan paid off. It was like a fresh slate except I was becoming dependent on Eric to supply all my needs and when he did not know what they were or what to do- I shutdown. Completely shut down. I did not know then how to articulate my feelings in a healthy way and still struggle to this day. Progress not perfection. I assume say, "f*ck you, and do it myself." And yes, I know that is not healthy either. I love mental health and psychology...I think a lot of it stems from feeling misunderstood and not knowing a healthy manner to have boundaries and honor myself. When I was a little girl, I was always quiet. And to have an opinion opposite of my mamas to this day is a sin.


The best thing about moving to Georgia is I had access to the best hospital in the South that specializes in cases of my nature. I scheduled my appointment in the big city of Atlanta at Northside Hospital where I spent thirty long days prior to the boys' birth going through progressive monitoring. Eric made the comment not long ago how " I had it made laid up eating and watching tv." I looked at him like he had lost his mind. It was awful. I was not sick. I was lying in bed without my nine-month -old baby. I was sad and yes, Eric came and visited me every day mostly and brought me whatever I wanted but I never asked for anything. He would play a game of cards with me as I spelled vodka on his breath. I became so sad and tried my best not to let it show. Eric had so much on his plate as well. And secretly, I think I was a little jealous of him and his ability to still drink vodka and be the guy I had always known. Because I was not the same woman...I had so many physical and mental changes happen at lightning speed. I look back and I know he was doing the best he could then. I wanted him to truly talk to me, but he never knew what to say. I had to be strong. I had to be strong for my babies and as I glanced out my window that looked over 'the king and queen building of Atlanta' I experienced my first dark thought ever in my life. I prayed hard to God. I wanted to keep a journal like I had always done but day after day I had nothing to say. I thought I would become creative and that was not the case. Hearing Everett and Cooper's heartbeats is what kept me looking forward as I counted down the days. I would always pray, "God, please give me the strength to be the best mama to my babies and keep them healthy."


Who knew that four years later I would beg God to keep them safe and to bring them home to me. Because Eric took them away from me one day in April and I have not been the same since. Yes- there has been forgiveness...obviously. But certain types of pain can change a person and it eloquently indoctrinated me.







63 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page