FVO. Part Eleven.

An older African American gentlemen pulled up to my Daddy's office. I said my goodbyes to my Daddy and was more than happy to continue my journey back to Atlanta. I was craving alcohol. I could taste the poison eliminating my current troubles. I had the "itch" and boy I thought nothing was going to stand in my way...until it did.

It was a long drive and a very quiet one. I tried to sleep but I was extremely restless. Eric was not answering my phone calls and the last thing he told my Daddy is that if I came back home, he would obtain a restraining order against me. I was not allowed at the house.

I was dumbfounded to think he could and would actually obtain a restraining order. My thought process was...

"There is no way he can legally get a restraining order because I have not done anything! He is an idiot who needs help! He can't kick me out of our home because I drink. He drinks with me!"

Upon arriving home to find no one there, I assumed they had gone to visit his mother and would be back the next day, giving me ample time to relax. The last words my father spoke to me were, "NO MATTER WHAT. DO NOT DRINK." Finding the house empty, I immediately grabbed my keys and headed to the liquor store. After a few drinks, my nerves settled, and I texted my parents to assure them I had safely returned home. I spent the rest of the evening tidying up the house, feeling elated. With the comfort of being home and the anticipation of seeing my kids the next day, I satisfied my craving for alcohol.

The cloud nine that I was on dissipated the next day.

I woke and continued to stay drunk. It was easier that way. So, I thought.

Then, out of nowhere, upon waiting for my babies, my heart was broken. Eric walked two officers in our home to arrest me. I did not see the kids. Although, they were there in the car watching from a distance. The officers did not serve me papers, but I was too intoxicated to fully grasp what was going on. It felt like a dream.

I wanted to wake from the nightmare. In my naive mind, I would hold my babies and the chaos would disappear.

It has taken years to forgive Eric for his actions and the way he acted the next few days.

My husband was the one who initiated my first "real" arrest behind bars. It sparked and developed a part of me that I did not know existed. I felt betrayed on every level.

I was charged with a first offense FVO. Family Violence Order.

The pain I experienced altered me.